I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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