why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
