honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
oh yeah. preciate
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
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ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
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The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.