did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
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i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
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I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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