I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
They have beer where we have blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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