margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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