I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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