M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
