Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
