I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
