She's JV to your varsity
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
