Have you finally orgasmed yet?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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