the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
