After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I could fuck to npr.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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