I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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