It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
