I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I want her autograph on my taint
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
