I want to have your abortion
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
