i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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