just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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