By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
