I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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