Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
