I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
