I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
