bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
