I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Randomize
