i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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