We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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