She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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