How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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