I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
