He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.