On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Deaf chicks here I come
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.