I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
