Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I have a black eye again and dont know why again