chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
