his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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