ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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