Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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