alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
