yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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