I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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