Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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