Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
