Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
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Speaking is such a hard concept right now
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
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I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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