His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
