Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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