Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
