I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
