how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
