There was a lot of him and a little penis
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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