The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
