May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
