You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
cat food counts as protein by the way
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
