I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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