And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
