Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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