I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize