Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
