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The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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