how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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