I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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