Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
