Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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