Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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